HOLDING MY BREATH
Someone please, please come and find me, but I guess you have to missed, I have no choice but to hang around holding my breath. tying to solve everyones problems over here I am the problem, holding my breath - 1,2,3 loops around the rafters one last glimpse at life then step off the edge, dont bother looking you dont care anyway, I said you have to be missed, holding my breath, a sick fragrance a pity party parlor trick, beat me down in death just like in life, holding my breath, 1,2,3 loops around the rafters one last glimpse at life then step off the edge, stepping off the edge helping me to hold my breath waiting for someone to care, i was here and i was ignored now i am gone and still no one cares, forgotten and rotten im all alone
window pain
gather all around its story time, time to tell jokes lets hear what you all have, tales of misfortune sobbing and blubbering oh how terribly sad for you, insider jokes vague with no meaning that no body finds funny, i need to get this off my chest, I challenge you I challenge you to exist, when everything in this world contradicts believing in yet lying to yourself, exaggerate that youre so perfect but thats your flaw, see right through your window pain, pointing a finger whos really to blame, sun will die daily true reflection emerges, I see right through youre window pain, masses all have vanished, its all sinking in now that no one wants to listen to you. never a leader much a person oh how terribly sad for you, insider jokes targeted and hurtful that everyone finds hilarious, shameful relentless scourge, endangered clones, i see right through your window pain, rejection overflows filling vengeance and hate the most common coping mechanism, just shoot everyone in the face, now get up off the floor quit playing around i didnt know what i was doing was wrong, does anyone understand the pressures of my life, but was insane at the time, i just want my safe space
unshallowed grave
eyes stinging from sand and from sweat, is this what death feels like did I wake up in hell, how did I survive why am I not dead yet, what has forsaken me, my punishment not yet served, buried never looked back upon, forgotten but that was my chance, blistered from the sun, frozen from the moon, clawed up from death, unsealed my own tomb, the things ive done I paid my price for, not my fault you didnt follow through, my debt is erased you did your job poorly but that wasnt my fault, blistered from the sun, frozen from the moon, clawed up from death, unsealed my own tomb, so nows the chance to redeem myself, seek revenge and settle the score, coerced to choose the path I did, the final payment wasnt death for me but for you, it wasnt for me but for you
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the surrounding
isolation taking over, since the surrounding, I saw this coming can never wipe away, forever dirty, im better off and fine my myself, forever tainted, forever unclean, since the surrounding, why does no one believe me, disgusting disgusted with I feel disgusting, my head denies the path, check reality a hard reset, disgusting disgusted with I feel disgusting, so hard to connect I lost interest but I wanted it, impairment is sufficient, so much going on sensory overload, disgusting disgusted with I feel disgusting, why cant what you say be true, expendable unconditional, grossly looked over and grossly looked at, so hard to connect I lost interest but I wanted it, just breath, and dont freak out, just breath, its sinking it now, just breath, maybe its me, how many times have I been here before, countless, do I look like a fool, yes, I know where I went wrong, exactly, its all clear now or is it, im sorry, its all my fault belittle me shame me, if its true then I am the bitch if its not then im selfish, not looking for attention but roles can be reversed, the world is doomed and were all cursed
maybe its me
lest get wasted cause our life already is, trapped in this wasteland since we were kids, no getting out, stuck where you stand, theres no light at the end of a tunnel, maybe just a bright flash from the end of a barrel, I dont know you but I recognize that face, sunken eyes dead of all hopes and dreams, I just want to be loved but its hard when you hate everyone, maybe its me, I just want to be hated but its hard when youre loved for no reason, maybe its me, just maybe, im just trying to exist so heres my big middle finger on a big fucking fist, psycho babble bullshit your feelings get hurt but we all live on this trailer park of the universe, I dont know what this world has done for me so fuck it, its this or be dead, maybe its me, just maybe
world of desires
I think im thinking or is my brain puking why is this so hard, where did the time go can I press charges for theft, I want it back even if its damaged, damaged, im damaged but then so are you, silence its deafening, the static noise not comforting, looking for escapes, chasing your empty dreams and empty promises never achieved desires still looking for have or belong to, nothing is good enough, im not good enough, youre not good enough, nothing lasts long enough, chasing a world of desires, grass is greener if your neighbor uses fertilizer, shut the fuck up your complaining makes me more than tired, care enough to get what I came here for, but I wasnt listening so explain to me once more
lies looming
rest assure my patients are wearing thin, rest assure my hands are trembling again and again, a sign I need to self medicate, well past the panic stage no more consequences only rage, we are disease, we are infection, we are still voiceless with unreachable dreams, we are not free, we all are slaves, to our jobs, religions, addictions and industry, god is not dead, was never alive, keeping us tied down while keeping us blind, for what purpose cause no one survives, no life matters, especially mine, loath me as youre below me, just dont trust the lies looming-over, another nail on the stepping stone, lets just see how far youll go, is this not what youve longed for, pathetic, I need to medicate, I refuse to tiptoe around, eggshells will never replace our ground, ill shit on your parade tis your wonderland, I can see you feel the magic in the air, so take a deep breath hold it in and forget to exhale, I hope you feel good help creating this hell
awaken
killing off what I used to be, I just keep stumbling around like some kind of freak, midlife rebirth into a new atrocity, spued forth from a womb of hate, awaken to realize, realize I need to awaken, I wont be the one rising from the ashes, I will be the one burning everything, got no time to attend your pity party, that never seems to end, time too short, my fuse too short, light it, ignite it, step back and see what the blast touches, everyone knows that fire cleanses , so I brought the torch to ignite it
realize
throw some more shit on the pile, light it on fire then we laugh for awhile, so innocent, blind eyes devastated by a bullshit facade, both happiness and sadness shoved down deep inside, its been so long since ive heard real laughter that wasnt at me, where did everything go wrong, I could give six or five reasons why I should be done, is anyone else hot in here, or are we all dead and burning in hell, certain smells remind me of shit, opportunities both passed and missed, play content but did it all switch, from a game to reality, these lives ive lived, these lies ive told, this grip needs to get tighter or needs to let go, I am all that remains from the fatal fall, step on me, smear me and scrape it all off
greater than or equal to
blink now its gone everything youve ever loved, set it free let it go bet it dont come back, blink now youre old, half dead all alone, you put it off you put it off and now its too late, dont underestimate the fact that I will hurt myself to make sure your pain is equal to, or greater than, a small price to pay for watching you suffer as I do, different day, same path, no wonder Im so lost, blink where did it go disappeared no body knows all your dreams all your fucking goals, eyes are open but still so blind, lights are on but still lost in the dark, all gone in a flash nothing is forever and nothing lasts
note and a rope
no this isnt happening, no this isnt true, you said that you would never ever follow through, what selfishness what were you thinking, obviously not of us and the pain that we'd be dragged through, a note and a rope, nothing more left behind, a note and a rope, no more choices equals no more hope, empty pill bottles, smoke and gun powder, too late for second thoughts now just a candle, flickering alone in the dark, one day all of our wicks will burn out, I would gladly trade places with you just for one more day so you could have it and would fall in dismay, no - hope- for any of us, we will meet again one day, sooner than you all think